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Saturday, July 3rd, 2004
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5:11 pm - God save the drag queen...
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Well hoooowdy-ho Mr Journal!!!
FUCK!!!
I forgot this little piece of trash existed. MY GOD, I cringe reading my own mistyped garbleness!
SO, what could I say?
Well, currently halfway through my summer holidays. Gaps between years in uni are toooo long to comprehend.
Don't get me wrong I enjoy the long, luxurious months away from uni but BY GOD do i find it hard to fill the time.
So i mostly work. Not at fresh food whores Morrison’s anymore.
Am now currently working in a factory bagging junk mail, 8 hours a day with no break, every weekday! ...
Fascinating huh?
I really have no idea how to proceed with this entry. I got in at 6 this morning after a very exhilarating night out. Twas my acquaintances b-day parteeeey!!! Ended up staying behind talking to friends and before I knew it the sun was rearing its UV infested butt and ppl where awaking! eek!!!
So as you can imagine I'm dam tired!
Still with Ross, a year now! =D
If your reading, I love you baby! Always there for you no matter what xxx
Ok, really. HAVE NO IDEA what to type. I think I'll stick to the age old formula of updating when an event of epic proportions occurs!
Until then, bon voyage..... (Excuse the cheesiness; I really am needing my bed)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
current mood:  drained
current music: portabello - covered in punk
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| Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
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6:53 pm - imagine, geek... imagine computer screen, imagine blood. What do we have?...
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heh... yeah!
At the moment I'm not best pleased. reason?
Viruses. Of the computer kind that is.... I shall explain.
One day I (presume) open an e-mail through the less than perfect hotmail. I fail to realize that it's a virus e-mail (that or hotmails promise to use norton on all attatchments is a complete and utter load of moosepoo) and a nasty little bug created by some twisted individual with too much spare time on his/her hands worms it's way onto my comp. Hence NO COMPUTER FOR 2 EFIN MONTHS!!!!!
so if your out there, I'M GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN AND SET YOUR ENTRAILS ON FIRE!!!!..... (I probably... no most definately won't carry that threat out so just keep ...eating...and stuff.... yeah)
I'm not really been creative in what I'm writing at the moment. I tend to specialize more in my own form of not-so-creative babble when I'm on my own.
That would then mean that I am not alone and am in the presence of the almighty being known as ross. (my boyfriend)
yeah.... ross....it's been 6 months now. 6 long months!
I can't believe I'm with someone and after 6 going on 7 months I'm still madly in love with the bugger. I never in my wildest dreams would of expected.... well, wild dreams to come true.
I almost believe it's too perfect, and perfection is something I find hard to believe excists. I'm a scepticle bitch but I can't help me fiiiine self.....
me like ego boosting.....
ok, shutting up now.
ooohoooooooooooh, this journal is updated. JOY TO THE WORLD, TRA LA LA LA (chorus of small adorable kids start singing the rest cos I'm lazy and need a shower...whoop!)
current mood:  cheerful
current music: White Stripes - The hardest button to button
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| Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
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7:22 pm - Soppy moments... a straight man's worst nightmare!!
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I thought about this while I was hauling peoples shopping through a really overly expensive noisy checkout system. Listing all the things I love about ross! SO... I'm gonna make the list here and no one will read YAY ME!!!
let's start with his physical features:
Face
Eyes: Although his eyes aren't the most stikingly blue of any eyes you will ever see they are the most cute eyes I have ever seen. Theres just something piercing about them, they dart around and capture you in a gaze. The shape only adds to the roundness and all round adorable cuteness of his face. There a really unusual colour. The only way i can describe it is like blue tigers eye. It's hypnotising. @_@
Smile: He has the most adorable smile you will ever see. His smile spreads across his face revealing gorgeous dimples and the most perfectly formed teeth you will ever see, honest to god. it lights his face up everytime he smiles. Plus he has the softist lips EVER!!!
Nose: Now his nose is just gorgeous. It's just so rounded in it's appearance. Cute like the rest of his face. I really can't describe noses well so...um... just look at it here YAY!
http://www.faceparty.com/gettin_ova_you
Hair: Gorgeous hair. the whole slight receading hairline does not bother me, it looks good on him. especially when he spikes it. It looks jet black, which I love. But infact has a brown sheen to it. Plus he has sideburns, gotta love sideburns on that face!
Body: what a gorgeous body. I'm sorry but he is not fat. I don't care what the fuck he says. He has broad shoulders, giving him the right build. he's muscular without an ounce of fat. and has a slightly hairy chest. Yes this may be a turn of in some peoples case and for me. but it's not pube like, it's a soft strem of hair that is really soft. I love it! His ass is gorgeous despite the fact he never let's me see it. Plus his feet are so cute.... and then I come to something that will gross people out completely so I'm gonna let the wonders of self control stop me from continuing, JOY!!!
Personality
He's thruthful. Always truthful. He's hones and straightforward. never tell's a lie, never trys to hurt peoples feelings. You know where you are with him. He has never been anything but honest with me from day 1. He's extremely intelligent and has a generous kind nature. Always try's to talk to people, seemingly get's on with everyone (makes me jealous) and always listens to people when there feeling down. His sense of humour is lovely. sharp and precise and makes you think. He's always persuasive, the first person to persuade me to do anything I didn't want. Always asks me what I want to do. Even though i never give a straight answer, I like to do what he wants, I'm not fussy. But he always makes me tell him what I wanna do, then we do it. He expresses himself through his body so well, his kissing up my neck gives me shivers!
There are a few bad points. Of course they'll be, but the good far far far outways any of the bad!
There, i'm done. You may all vomit now....
current mood:  envious
current music: Placebo - This Picture
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| Thursday, August 14th, 2003
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7:41 pm - the horrors of college!!!!
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OH MY GOD I have a tablet.
A tablet as in a flat surface provided with an electronic pen that you plug into ya big blocky thing nicely named a computer and from then on YOU CAN DRAW B00000TIFUL WORK!!!!!!!!
THis tablet makes me much happy.
OOH OOH ross is coming over tonight, yay me.
He got his first year as level results today. He asked me to come with him. poor little thing, he was panicing all day. I told him he would do well, he's a clever guy.
And of course he got tow A's and a B. he got 100% on three of his exams.
He was so exstatic.
This day has been a good day.
NOW, haribo starmix, he he he he...he...*munch munch munch*
current mood:  jubilant
current music: Simian - La Breeze
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| Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
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12:23 am - Hyper sensitive whore returns from the just made up grave for an update...
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ok. so like. hello and I'm not dead just extrmemely happy, lazy and not having angsty moody ridden urges to type random rants.
I'm a member of faceparty if you didn't know. it's quite a liberating experience...
(sarcastic exageration for those of you who didn't get that)
Of course being part of such a site you get many messages from guys asking for sex or saying your good looking or wanting to meet up and so on. so just earlier I get this.
"Hi,
Just wanted 2 ask if u wanted 2 join my club? Ive already built up a considerable list of members over the last month.
For £20 a year (not a month!), u get regular emails containing pics, links 2 vids, stories, all of and about me. In addition to this, u will get invitations 2 special parties and have the option 2 hook up with likeminded individuals and couples. Its primarily a gay community, but bisexual and straight memberships r also accepted.
Also, I am 4 hire 4 many different activities including escorting and private photoshoots.
my first reaction was to sit in silence while trying to figure out what possesed the strange man to send me this. Then I began to try and figure a decent enough response and I am failing miserably. usually I am very good an witty replys but this time I'm thinking.
WHAT THE EFIN moo do you say to such a proposition.
Any suggestions would be welcome.
OH GOD I am so happy these days. I am out a lot more than my money can allow. I am totally in love with ross and I am the happiest and only metaphorical bunny to walk on two feet.
I won't go into a whole soppy paragraph about how I feel. I'm sure theres already someone everyone knows who put's you through it in real life nearly everyday.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Longwave - Exit
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| Sunday, July 13th, 2003
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6:20 pm - Where did all the clouds go?
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you know kawaiicute... well all you cool people out there, GO MINGLE WITH HER NOW!!!
I command you very camply I do!
she is one cool individual and from hereby on will be known as... urm.... ur... ok, names people?
I've had such a shit day. It's so SO hot outside you wouldn't believe it. Even the shade doesn't seem to shelter the heat. it's like.... WTF, I DON'T WANNA BE FRYED HUMAN HERE!!!!
I've been so depressed to. Missing ross and all... but i'm not gona go into that.
But at no point has a smile entered my face during my time on the checkout. Granted I was as polite as pie and never rudely shunned a customer. But apparently two customers will not be shopping anymore at our store because they found customer service poor.
So you can imagine, I'm thinking..... was dat meeeeeeeeee!!! *innocent face*
It's a big deal when you work at a big supermarket like ours. "WE LOOSE £2000 POUNDS A MONTH IF WE LOOSE CUSTOMERS", said pat the quaint little irish supervisor.
... seriously, I don't give a flying fook! I just wanna snuggle my ross... =(
ANYFUKINGWAY, I shall not talk no more for I am boring the slightly pongy day old pants of you all!
Good day!
current mood:  depressed
current music: the yeah yeah yeahs - Pin
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2003
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6:41 pm - mmmmm pie....
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my life has taken over what little i had previously.
You could just say I'm really enjoying life at the moment. I have my man thing and the world is alive.
Ever noticed when your in love that all emotions are hightened ten fold.... or is that my mind not coping..... ooh eck I'm confused!
Anyone curious of the ross and of what generally makes him... him, then have a nosey on down to his face party profile, http://www.faceparty.com/gettin_ova_you
on other things. My mother is literally driving me crazy. For the first time I am hating the sanctuary of my home. I understand the whole 'my son is gay and I'm still trying to understand it all so go easy on me'. but does that give her warrant to attack me from every angle over the slightest thing. my dad takes me to one side and instructs me to be easy on her, she's finding it hard to understand...
may i but into my own rant and say that coming to terms with ones sexuality shouldn't be a process that drives you mad. I am still the same person i was when i spewed outa my mums womb. THe only difference is I have one more secret out in the open. it's just the secret seems to have more of an impact than say... nearly getting raped or nearly been kicked out of college. in the grand scheme of things my sexuality shouldn't even have such importance placed on it since it really doesn't affect my mother unless she has her own personal issues relating to sexuality.
ANYWAY, this doesn't give her the right to attack me at every chance for leading my life. I'm 19, responsible, no college, I have till september to book extra hours at work and fill my spare time however I please. As long as I don't abuse my rights, keep her informed of where I am, do my fare share of the housework... am I not aloud to go out and have a life?
Oh fuck this, i can't be assed to argue with the keyboard for much longer.
If ross is reading this.... I LOVE YYYOOOOOOUUUUUU xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
and, OOH OOH OOH I have faceparty power, feast your eyes on my drop dead gorgeous sleepy face ¬¬
http://www.faceparty.com/Monkey_Varnish
I've taken a break halfway through to eat so I've lost my flow. And I'm gettin pissie.... I type NO MORE!!!!!
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Ok go - get over it
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| Monday, June 23rd, 2003
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9:31 pm - Up in the clouds, out to the worlds.... yeah I know, didn't rhyme...
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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
a string of the same vowel, why you ask? WELL I SHALL TELL YOU!!!! =D
First I must do some aplogizing, *makes love to livejournal*... THERE WE GO!!!
I have had the freakiest 3 weeks of my life. 3 weeks that seem to have changed my life around. I won't go into detail, I do tend to do that. I swear more people have died reading my journal than of actual real life deaths you never stop hearing of.
Well ross, he's mine *tip to toe almighty grin appears on the face of this dirty angel*
I dunno, I really liked ross in so many ways. He liked me also and we've got it together. We where officially pronounced an item by the flamboyent sean on friday night.
I am the happiest 19 year old to breath on this planet at the moment. He makes me so happy, I would even go as far as to say I may love him. Or to put it in a better way, I'm 3/4 of the way there...
He is absolutely the most beautiful guy in my life about now. His smile makes me melt, his eyes pierce my ... urm soul, (trying to think of a less cheesy word but I have unfortunately failed) his nose is adorable, his hair is lovably soft, his giggle makes me smile, his personality makes me giddy... and I shut up now =X
It's too perfect huh? I am setting myself up for the greatest come down of all time, but I just don't give a flying bag of piss. I am the happiest i've ever been and I intend to lap it up for all it's worth while it's in my graspieness.
I'm 19 now, no miraculous change has occured. Just my ever increasing panic of hitting 20.
I came out to my parents... well... sorta.
it happened during..urm... I forget the day (that's bad right?)
Mum had come into my room and had accused me of treating the house like a hotel.
Translation - She has fibroids, she's hormonal, she's protective... she's my mother!
The argument began like any other. I was somehow endowed with great intelligence and the ability to argue succesfully at every one of my mothers points. I broke down her argument in a matter of seconds. Somehow it led onto why i don't open up to her. Then it led onto this stupid family secret that my mother never shuts up about. (until now of course)
it's basically the aspergers (sp?) syndrome. Which i keep wanting to call asparagus syndrome XD.... ok, only funny in my head.
it runs in the family on my mothers side. I have this syndrome apparently. Now I looked it up and went through the symptoms. I have only a few of these symptoms but my parents are addiment I posses it. Now the plus side of this is I have a above average intelligence. Which I highly doubt...
I'd prefer to get a proper test. ANYWAY, she had it in her head that because of this I was confused about my identity so I clinged onto the 'gay thing' to relief this out of place feeling.
ok NO!!!
She said it to my face, I said i was. I said this over and over again while sobbing. She proceeded to laugh at me. nervous reaction of course but I didn't take it that way...
I ran out, wandered round where I live sobbing my eyes out. I rung john and sobbed to him over the phone lol. Tom was informed and went running to my rescue, of which I am eternally grateful. he cares about the world around him deep down, he just chooses to put the 'so what' front on.
I then rang ross at his house and sobbed to him. (I've been crying a lot over the past two weeks) We kinda arranged to go to lilys and meet to talk. i went but didn't talk much. I sat like a mopping puppy, but ross was very comforting. Eventually left round bout 21.00ish. Dad rung me in the bus station and was the one to tell me the 'your still my son' speech. THis suprised me becasue I expected it the other way round...
I started crying AGAIN down the phone, ross hugged me while I was there. Eventually got on the bus, said a big goodbye to him and 'faced the music' so to speak.
We all had a talk a few days later and everything is fine now.
Plus I've met so many new people in the past few weeks it's unbelievable.
it's all insane for me. but it's all pointing for good.
and oh look, I killed another human being, YAY!! *adds to the list*
current mood: indescribable
current music: Goldfrapp - Black Cherry
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| Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
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11:12 pm - That nasty sound destroys...
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BWAH!!!
I have not much to say. I did sit down to type up the whole party on friday night a few days ago but lost interest very quickly.
It was insane, trust me. Fivesome orgies in gay club toilets, fivesomes at Chris’s house, strangely watching buffy the vampire slayer at 2 in the morning, getting the most drunk I have ever got in my entire life, been given a blowjob in the street. Having every guy fancy me and saying how cute I was.
It was odd; I don't see my self in this way. I think very low of my body, my looks and my personality. The whole school environment never had my ego up in the clouds. I was an ugly little runt. I have cleaned and polished myself of since then grant you, and I still say I take time to make my self-presentable. I dunno....
The whole night came of as a big ego boost. I feel better about myself as a person.
Apparently it was an atrocity that i hadn't got a boyfriend... I had nothing to say to that but a stupid giggle and red cheeks.
GOD I fancy Ross. One of the guys there that night. He was 17, bout my height, gorgeous jet-black hair, (with one of these strange premature receding hairlines, he hid it well though) A gorgeous little face, adorable smile, lovely little dark eyes. Great dress sense, black nail varnish on, (thought it looked quite nifty) a brilliant sense of humour and a lovely personality. I did try to get his number but apparently tom quote Chris in saying that:
"I will try to get Chris's numba 2 u. I liked Ross 2. I
snogged him twice but Chris has claims him 4 himself
and warns me off. He is rather fuckable isn't he?"
Fuckable, he was insatiable. I was told Ross said he fancied me, so that gives me some chance. I couldn't keep my eyes of him the whole night, despite Jon coming on to me the whole time. Of course tom showed his liking for Ross by fuking one of the others guys (forget his name, but he was a lovely person) all night long....
I would explain everything else but I SO cannot be assed. I have no will power these days.
I just sit here on my fat ass listening to mew and feeling my life changing in good ways. My sister will soon become queen of the Internet, which is proving a good thing. I am finding the Internet less and less interesting as the days go on. I realized that there's a whole barrage of things I want to accomplish in my life before I hit 20. I load of great people to meet and I am wasting some of life’s great assets by farting in front of the computer every weekday night.
Moving on...
Chris good is so unhappy these days. He's feeling his life is shit. He's going through episodes of giving up on everything. His parents are ragging on him, showing little affection. His first love (the infamous saggy assed 24 year old named David) is basically treating him like shit and he feels his life is going nowhere. Oh I love him to bits, i wish he'd realize that. He needs a hug; hugs always lift away the cobwebs somehow...
Figures don’t it. That the one guy, most probably my soul mate, lives 300 miles down the other end of the country. There is always some unexplainable event that prevents us from meeting.
Maybe the ghost of an angry whore from either one of our family's lines is moody about the connection we have.
... Ok, yeah. Pathetic thickheaded explanation to bring into the situation but I'm too delusional to make sense. BE HAPPY WITH MY CRYPTIC WORDS!!!!
I'll now spend the rest of night, with 'am I wry? No’ on continuous repeat. Feeling my soul uplifted, picturing things that will make me smile like a demented fool.
lol, I'm gonna give tom this url, see what he makes of my stupid rambling. BEWARE TOM, YOUR BRAIN WILL IMPLODE ONCE I'M DONE, HARR HARR
yes
I know what your thinking
Sleep... right?
I agree.... night!
current mood: grateful
current music: Mew - Comforting sounds
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| Sunday, June 1st, 2003
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9:02 pm - Hot wheather proves to be a handy tool....
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Ok... so I had my first threesome today, interesting!
current mood:  amused
current music: Electric six - Gay bar
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chibi_ohki's journal